by Sunny Megatron
Most general reference websites define a cuckold as “a man with an adulterous wife.” The implication is that the wife openly flaunts her cheating, sometimes ridiculing her cuck husband for not being able to satisfy her voracious sexual appetite. The emasculated cuck feels betrayed, humiliated, and inferior to his unfaithful wife’s well-endowed lovers. This real-world definition of a cuckold is one with little regard for consent or the cuck’s well-being.
In alt-sex communities, however, cuckolding fetish is a consensual affair custom-designed to satisfy everyone’s desires. Cuckholding takes on different flavors in various sexual subcommunities too. In the swing lifestyle, for instance, this kink is often of the “hotwife” variety.
In swinging, hotwifing typically involves cishet couples (the community’s predominant demographic). Despite the terminology, these couples aren’t always married. In hotwifing, the husband/masculine partner takes pride in the fact that his attractive wife/feminine partner can, and does, sleep with whomever she pleases. Turned on by the sexual attention she gets, he may enjoy watching or participating in her exploits. Alternately, having sex with her immediately after she’s returned home from a hookup might be the highlight. In a textbook hotwife scenario, part of the allure for the husband is feeling secure in knowing that regardless of how many people she sleeps with, she’ll always come home to him.
In the world of BDSM, cuckolding is typically a consensual roleplay that mimics the non-consensual, non-kink, Webster’s Dictionary definition of cuckoldry to some degree.
Dominance and submission take center stage with the cuckold being submissive to their sexually promiscuous partner. Often kinks like erotic humiliation, chastity, “forced” bi, or creampie clean-up are coupled with cuckolding. In our “Cuckolding with Miss Maya Sinstress” video, Miss Maya explains how she incorporates these complimentary kinks into her lifestyle cuckolding scenes.
Some kinksters take a gentler approach to cuckoldry that looks a bit more like hotwifing. On the flip side, sometimes lifestyle swingers incorporate D/s elements that resemble BDSM in their cuckolding but still call it hotwifing. That’s the beauty of kink, as long as it’s consensual, you get to make your own rules. You’re allowed to put your own spin on traditional definitions, labels, and roles – or you can start from scratch and invent your own. Kink is customizable after all!
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Definitions and examples of cuckolding fetish across the web are limited and often lean into outdated tropes that incorporate off-putting racial stereotypes, language, or gender expectations. It can be challenging to find inspiration and ideas for outside-the-box cuckold play.
Anyone of any gender, race, sexual orientation, age, ability, kink interest level, etc. can participate in cuckolding and assume any associated role. If you find cuckolding arousing but the stereotypes associated with it aren’t your cup of tea, the lesser-known cuckolding terms below may pique your interest. Additionally, google searching these words may lead you to alternative cuckolding scene ideas & concepts.
Sometimes spelled “cuckqueen,” a cuckquean is a female/femme cuckold. They can be cucked by someone of any gender. Similarly, a “hothusband” is the masculine version of a hotwife. Like cuckolding vs. hotwifing, cuckqueaning tends to rely heavily on elements of power, control, and denial whereas hothusbanding for many revolves around happily “sharing” your partner with others.
A cuckcake is a female/femme third in a cuckold scenario. Traditionally male/masculine equivalent is called a “bull,” however, that term is falling out of favor due to its dehumanizing nature and racial connotations. Some prefer “alpha” instead.
Although cuckolding has become increasingly popular in queer circles in recent years, popular terminology is still rather antiquated. Have more inclusive cuckold-related terms popped up in your local communities? Perhaps you’ve invented some of your own? We’d love to know! Drop us a line on Twitter or Instagram.
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Sunny Megatron is an award-winning BDSM & Certified Sexuality Educator, Certified Relationship Coach, and media personality. She’s the host and executive producer of the Showtime original television series, SEX with Sunny Megatron, plus co-hosts AASECT Award-winning American Sex Podcast and Open Deeply Podcast. Sunny was also named XBIZ Sexpert of the Year 2021 and is Editor-in-Chief of Zipper Magazine.
Known for her one-of-a-kind build-your-own-adventure approach to sex, kink & relationships, Sunny coined the BDSM community catch-phrase, Kink is Customizable™. In her sell-out workshops, her unique brand of “edutainment” seamlessly combines her humorous lecturing style, interactive exercises, and the latest sexuality research. Sunny’s passion is helping others overcome shame and find power through play and pleasure. Currently, she’s working on her first book, “Customizable Kink: A Strategic Guide to Adult Play.”
You can find Sunny Megatron on TikTok, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and Patreon.
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