Getting What We Want Without Having To Ask
CNC can be ideal for trying new things without having to muster up the courage to initiate them in the moment. Like aggressive ravishment play, this may include sexual scenarios that trigger shame. This version, however, requires a gentler approach. Instead of someone taking from you against your will for their own pleasure, what if they lovingly persuaded you to do something for your own enjoyment?
Through this lens, consensual forced bi scenes become playful “encouragement” scenarios. Anything you need a little permission-giving push to get into fits the bill – crossdressing, overcoming the self-consciousness of having sex with the lights on, or pushing any boundary you’ve decided to explore.
Chastity & Orgasm Control
Orgasm games are often played out as CNC arrangements. With long-term chastity, orgasm restriction, and edging participants negotiate and agree on terms before the play or chastity contract begins. The s-type may beg and plead, “Oh please let me cum! Just one little orgasm! I’ll do anything you want, please! I can’t stand it!” That’s part of the fun – the delicious distress of mounting arousal intermingled with the anticipation of release.
Forced orgasms go in the opposite direction. Responses like “I’m too sensitive! It’s so intense I can’t stand it! I have no more orgasms left in me! Turn off the vibrator!” are all part of the erotic improv.
Accountability, Task Management & 24/7 TPE
Kink isn’t always about sex and neither is CNC. Sometimes consensual non-consent is used as a tool for long-term goal setting or self-improvement. Let’s say I’ve committed to going to the gym three times every week for the next month. I have a hard time with follow through so I ask my dominant to be my taskmaster. When negotiating I tell them to force me to go to the gym on my designated days no matter what. If I skip out I consent to stern consequences. I also have a safeword I can use if an extenuating circumstance prevents me from accomplishing my goal or receiving discipline.
When a day rolls around when I’m just not feeling it but must fulfill my obligation anyway, I might find it cathartic to moan, cry, and play-argue over having to comply. Or maybe the thought of making my dominant proud and earning a reward is all the motivation I need.
Taking this everyday-CNC concept a step further, some 24/7 D/s couples use blanket consent or meta-consent and consider their dynamic to be a CNC relationship. This means the s-type allows the D-type to make all consent decisions at any time. Often they say they “don’t use safewords” or that submissive has consensually “given up safewords.”
This gets tricky. Online this type of arrangement seems much more common than it actually is. It’s also portrayed as healthy and successful much more often than it is in practice. Unfortunately, those with ill intent often use this to their advantage. They may tell new-to-BDSM partners that submissives aren’t supposed to have safewords in D/s dynamics and are required to deprioritize their own basic needs to focus solely on their dominant’s pleasure. This is not true!
While 24/7 D/s style blanket consent works well for some people, they’re the vast minority. Typically considered advanced D/s play, the most successful have slowly arrived at this equilibrium after fine-tuning their dynamic agreements over many years. While the s-type has consented to do things they don’t particularly like at their D-type’s request, this blanket consent does not permit the violation of hard limits. While safewords might not be used, in emotionally healthy dynamics there’s still always an agreed-upon way to revoke consent that’s unique to those in that dynamic. For some that may be removing a collar. Others may have a verbal cue they don’t consider to be safeword in the traditional sense but serves a similar purpose.
This, by no means, was an exhaustive list but hopefully, it got your wheels turning. Elements of CNC can be interwoven into so many play styles and role plays. In many cases, consensual non-consent has more to do with how you play than what type of play you’re physically engaging in. I’d love to hear some of your outside-the-box CNC ideas. Drop us a line to continue the conversation on Twitter or Instagram.