In the BDSM world, October is known as Locktober – a month in which chastity submissives refrain from orgasm. Geared primarily toward those who wear penile chastity devices, complementary kinks like edging, D/s, erotic humiliation, cuckolding, and feminization go hand in hand with these month-long, “Locktober Challenge” tease and denial sessions.
Locktober is also a great time to explore orgasm control games outside of traditional chastity and keyholding. There are many creative options that can be enjoyed long or short-term by anyone regardless of partner status or body type.
Orgasm control is probably my favorite kink. Unlike other forms of play I adore, it doesn’t require any special equipment to get started (looking at you, rope bondage) or safety training classes, and it’s infinitely customizable. Perhaps most importantly, orgasm control is incredibly intimate.
Why Explore Orgasm Control?
As a professional sex educator and coach, I’m regularly asked how to spice things up in the bedroom. The answer is usually more complicated than trying a new position or different toy. When people are looking for more spark, it’s often intimacy and connection that’s lacking rather than a failure of mechanics. That makes orgasm control a great option for anyone trying to light things up in the bedroom.
Orgasm control requires focus & awareness
For the dominant partner, engaging in orgasm control means being highly tuned in to your partner’s experience. You need to learn what every gasp and twitch means to control their arousal level. And that’s precisely the kind of focused attention many people crave.
For the submissive partner, you must become deeply aware of your own body. The better you understand your arousal patterns, the more control you’ll have over your responses. That makes it easier to follow orders, whether you’re being told to wait or ordered to orgasm.
Orgasm control requires communication
Good sex requires good communication, but getting in the habit can be scary. One of the great benefits of orgasm control is that it provides an excuse and a framework for check-ins while you play. You can ask your partner if they’re getting close or tell them to inform you whenever they’re on the edge. From strict countdowns and commands to playful banter and dirty talk, the communication style you choose should fit your personality and the dynamics of your relationship.
As you become more used to the nuances of your partner’s pleasure and experience, your communication might boil down to sexual shorthand. Sometimes all that’s needed are the words “please” and “wait.”
Orgasm control doesn’t require tools
I like gear as much as the next BDSM nerd, but high-quality kink toys can be a significant investment. One of the benefits of orgasm control is that you don’t need any supplies to get started — you don’t even need a partner — you can try orgasm control solo! And if you do decide that orgasm control is your jam, there are many beautiful tools and toys you can add to the mix.
Orgasm control allows you to explore D/s without pain
Kink-curious folks often worry that BDSM isn’t for them if they’re not interested in giving or receiving pain. Sure, spanking, flogging, and whipping are common forms of play — and might be eye-catching at parties — but they’re not the only ways to play with dominance and submission.
Exploring BDSM involves playing with power and control and exploring trust and vulnerability – absolutely no pain is required to bring these themes into the bedroom.