Voices of kink
We asked over 500 kinksters how the pandemic impacted their experiences with the BDSM community, play partners, and their own kinky identity. This is what they said . . .
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TikTok isn’t just for lip syncing and thirst traps. There’s an entire community of BDSM lifestylers on the platform collectively known as KinkTok. Devoted to sharing entertaining educational content, this kinky side of TikTok is a bevy of BDSM insider insight. In fact, KinkTok has grown so influential that for the next generation of kinksters TikTok is now more important than Fetlife.
If KinkTok videos haven’t hit your FYP yet, we’ve got you! Here are 10 KinkTokers to follow who are redefining community.
Power Orientation: Service Submissive
Years in the Scene: 6
@dawnsparkles Reply to @stab_ppl_4aliving thank you for your comment! #collaredsub #k1nkeducator #servicesub #k1nkcommunity #sub #dom #blackkinkeducators ♬ MELANCHOLY - White Cherry
Why did you get on TikTok? How did your KinkTok channel/persona develop?
I began organizing educational events during the initial Covid-19 lockdown on Fetlife. I soon felt like I wanted to bring education to more spaces than Fetlife and I wanted to refocus my content on that education, so I came to Tiktok to broaden my horizons! My persona is organic, I feel being human, honest, and relatable has made me feel more approachable and friendly as an educator.
How does the KinkTok community differ from the traditional kink community?
Kinktok and the IRL traditional community share many of the same things: both are built off of mutual interest in all things kinky, both are spaces where people hold very strong opinions and are not afraid to share them with you. Where they differ is how those strong opinions are shared and how much exposure they receive.
You can share your opinion at the dungeon and get a few pats on the back and even a few eye-rolls, but the opinion you shared was within your community. When you share your opinion on platforms like Tiktok you are opening yourself up to potentially thousands of people who all have their own unique perspectives. The globalization of kink and our ability to share to a much broader audience beyond just kinky folks is amazing to see. Kinktok is at the forefront of putting diverse voices on display in a way that many of our traditional community spaces are struggling to do. It’s a beautiful yet frightening way for the world and the community to interact.
What do you love about KinkTok?
I love the diverse voices. I love being able to take in those unique perspectives and learn something new to take back to my own community. I appreciate the range of conversations I see happening on a variety of content, and I especially love being able to hear the stories of elder kinksters who are not able to participate in the traditional scene but can still impart knowledge to us through Kinktok!
Who are your favorite KinkTokers?
@phrygian_monk: their educational content is amazing and I appreciate just how gentle and kind yet direct their approach to teaching is. @leathergirlboots: she is an exceptional leather historian and I love just how informative her page is! Photos and in some cases video of the events being discussed really help to flesh out the information plus Boots always has a good book recommendation!
Power Orientation: Dominant
Years in the Scene: 14
@switchvero Integrity In the Lifestyle #ethics #communication #auntiev #q1nktok #spicy #k1nkcommunity #k1nklifestyle #advice #discussion ♬ original sound - Veronika Kestrel
Why did you get on TikTok? How did your KinkTok channel/persona develop?
I got on TikTok at first just to keep up with the members and vids my friends kept sending me. I didn’t actually intend to make content at first, but as the algorithm started showing me kink content, I noticed there were some creators who actually engaged with audiences, answered questions, and were positive influences. Phrygian Monk was the biggest influence, at the start.
I started just generally discussing the mess of topics seeming to confuse and cause conflict on KinkTok and was delighted to find that people seemed to respond positively to my presentation and style of delivery. I realized that I hadn’t ever considered myself an expert, but with the level of experience I had, I could make a positive difference in this space. So, the channel became oriented around educating newer kinksters and arming them with knowledge against unsafe or unethical practices.
Now, the channel is mostly a dialogue between me and the audience, where the things I’m seeing people take interest in get more thorough coverage, especially topics which require a nuanced understanding. I’ve come to be known as “comfycore” KinkTok as a result, because people seem to find me approachable. I don’t hate that.
How does the KinkTok community differ from the traditional kink community?
It’s certainly more diverse than the in-person community, in my experience. Which, to be clear, is awesome! It’s really encouraging to see a wide range of voices all contributing, especially when it concerns a community that to this day still seems to struggle with inclusion and interrogating its own mores. KinkTok, for all its faults, does seem to do the work of establishing a more inclusive environment, even if there are still plenty of people who don’t get it.
What do you love about KinkTok?
It’s introduced me to some of the kindest, most wonderful people I know. If you find yourself in the right corner of KinkTok, people seem almost excited for opportunities to support you. And if your message is consistent and authentic, your audience and peers will be a wonderful source of constant encouragement and inspiration. I wouldn’t be the Dominatrix I am today without KT.
Who are your favorite KinkTokers?
In no particular order: @phrygian_monk! I know they’re on extended hiatus at the moment, but I wouldn’t be doing this if it weren’t for their positive example. One of the best teachers I’ve seen on KT. @fabled__raven! The epitome of self-control, Raven combines razor wit, soothing charm, and a keen analytical mind to create some of my favorite content not only on KT, but TikTok in general. @roseiquartz! Rosie has some of the most bomb-ass makeup on the entire platform but has so much personal experience and education packed into her content that you can’t help but sit up and pay attention.
Power Orientation: Switch
Years in the scene: 4.5
Why did you get on TikTok? How did your KinkTok channel/persona develop?
I got into TikTok pretty much by accident, at least as a creator. It was the middle of the pandemic in 2020 and I really had nothing to do, so I figured that I would give TikTok a try and see if anything interesting was on there. As for my KinkTok channel, I developed that because I saw a need for diversity in education. The kink community encompasses a large swathe of people, and I feel that diversity should be represented in presenters/educators.
How does the KinkTok community differ from the traditional kink community?
There are a ton of differences between the KinkTok vs in-person community, however, the biggest ones that I commonly see are 1) The way that we perceive people that take on a certain role. On KinkTok, it seems that many people expect you to “act” the role that you claim. 2) the conversations that are being had. On KinkTok, discussions of diversity and inclusivity seem to be popping up more frequently and having real impact on others. And 3) the interactions that are being had. There seems to be more of a sense of treating people a certain way based on the role that they have on KinkTok.
What do you love about KinkTok? The thing that I love about KinkTok are the connections that I have been able to make with other kinksters around the world. From people in other parts of the U.S to kinksters in Australia and Britain, I have been able to meet so many awesome and unique individuals.
Who are your favorite KinkTokers?
I have quite a few favorites, however, I think my top five would be @sirdarkram, @pennylove14, @moxieminion, @tbhimababysub, and @buckharder.
Power Orientation: Dominant (Mommy)
Years in the Scene: 5+
@kimoftheinternet watch out for these 🚩 as a newbie! #kinkcommunity #kinktok #k1nkcommunity #d0mme #alttiktok ♬ Lo-fi hip hop - NAO-K
Why did you get on TikTok?
I love TikTok as a mindless, ephemeral lil’ escape. As a lifestyle domme + overall kink advocate, my FYP quickly clocked me and got me on #KinkTok pretty quickly – where I discovered a rich depth of thirst traps and breathtaking content from “accountants” in the space. My own persona began to develop as I started putting out the content that *I* would’ve wanted as a queer Southeast Asian woman 5 years ago. Decidedly less “thirsty” (lol, I wish!), my channel is mostly focused on de-stigmatizing + breaking into straightforward terms the dynamics within D/s. It’s the resource I wish I had when I first started on my BDSM journey!
How does the KinkTok community differ from the traditional kink community?
Due to the discovery nature of the platform, we just have to be more out loud + open about who we are! It’s the greatest privilege and perhaps hurdle as a creator – to live your truth so openly in a world that can often stigmatize kink + BDSM.
What do you love about KinkTok?
The creativity! These creators manage to distill complex, nuanced topics into 30-second videos, while also making fucking magic with sounds + transitions. It’s so rad.
Who are your favorite KinkTokers?
So hard to name a couple! As of late, I’m obsessed with @iwantlucy (I love the fun, irreverent nature of their work) and @phrygian_monk (I deeply respect their perspective as a fellow BIPOC human) and @puplykos (this lil’ cutie has taught me so much about pup play!).
Power Orientation: I’m a switch, though my submissive side tends to be reserved for my Dom who I’ve been with for the past 8 years.
Years in the Scene: 14 years in October
@buckharder Let me know if y’all want me to elaborate on any of this. Any questions? #leather #k1nk #kinktok #leather #leathertok #oldguard #generational #leatherman #leatherwoman #leatherfolk #tradition #protocol ♬ original sound - Buck Harder
Why did you get on TikTok? How did your KinkTok channel/persona develop?
So, I’ve been a bootblack for about 11 years now. I’ve come to realize that there aren’t many regular and consistent voices on platforms like TikTok and Youtube that deal with bootblacking on a regular basis with a major focus on education. I recently decided that I felt comfortable putting myself and my knowledge out there to give people a resource, especially those who may not have a super extensive local community that they can work with in person. Platforms like TikTok have the ability to reach people from all over, and I just wanted to help create another resource that people could find and reach out to to learn if they wanted to.
How does the KinkTok community differ from the traditional kink community?
Oh god… in *so* many ways. I think one big way is the general age of the people who frequent and create content on TikTok. If you go to most community events, the age ranges may vary, but the demographic certainly tends to skew in the 35 years and older group. TikTok, however, has a much larger spotlight on people who are in their 20s. The generational differences alone create a completely different environment for the sharing of knowledge and information. Granted, we’ve also seen multiple instances of less-than-safe kink information being spread as well, as anyone can create and upload content, really. Between that, and the short-form platform allowing for much less nuance in the coverage of topics, I do worry a bit regarding good and accurate information being spread, and being spread safely. But the nature of the platform also allows for people to have a voice where they may not have felt they might have one within the more traditional kink scene. It really is a double-edged sword.
What do you love about KinkTok?: What I think is really cool about KinkTok is the ability to create a voice for yourself. Kink has been getting more and more accessible as time goes on, and as a result, we’ve got so many people who can lend their voices to helping educate and inform. All of us have things that we’re able to teach others, and the nature of TikTok as a platform is that anyone can put their information out there for others to learn from. Of course, that also comes along with the necessity that anyone who’s using KinkTok as a platform to learn from also requires that people do their homework about what they’re learning so that the information is accurate and safely utilized, but at the very least it can give people a starting point that they may not have had previously. Platforms like KinkTok have the ability to reach people from anywhere in the world, so I really love the fact that you could have someone in a rural town without a local community that they can learn from and they can still have access to knowledge and history that they may not have had otherwise.
Who are your favorite KinkTokers? So I’ve only really been on this platform since April, and haven’t gotten to meet or interact with many people as of yet. However, I’ve gotten the chance to come across some really wonderful people so far. Notable people that come to mind for me are @leathergirlboots, @phrygian_monk, @moxieminion, @pennylove14, @sirdarkram, @triplexhexx, @hope_lythi, @tabitha.arie, @bootblackd, @bootblackcub and I’m sure others that are escaping me right now. These are all people who are putting themselves out there to help educate here on KinkTok and putting out some great content.
Power Orientation: Executive Slave
Years in the Scene: 27
Why did you get on TikTok? How did your KinkTok channel/persona develop?
This is entirely Sunny Megatron’s fucking fault! She rolled up on me talmbout people on TikTok coming down with exceedingly trashy and dangerous “advice” on the app. As I’ve been battling misinformation for decades, I could not let that stand. So I decided to at least post a few videos for the people.
How does the KinkTok community differ from the traditional kink community?
It is far more inclusive, obviously. The critical difference for me is that folks who are simply curious are able to access content to which they just wouldn’t be privy. I love seeing non-kink identified folks commenting on my posts. It is delightful to see how people grok that BDSM is also a resource for healthy non-kink relationships.
What do you love about KinkTok?
To be honest, my favorite moments are folks sharing with me how my work has helped them. I often feel as though I’m alone in the wilderness shouting admonitions on healthy D/s into a dry well. Receiving feedback gives me hope and life!
Who are your favorite KinkTokers?
I wanna shout out @dawnsparkles, @phrygian_monk, @nixthepuff, and @therealrjwright – and of course that bitch @sunnymegatron!
Power Orientation: Midori. Seriously, I identify as me. The commonly used labels in kink are so prone to assumptions, stereotyping, two-dimensionalizing, or internalizing self-limitations, I long ago ditched the use of “I am a dom/sub/top/bottom/middle/ferret/carrot cake/whatever. But I am a woman of many appetites so, if asked with civility and humanistic communication skills, I might express in verbs or terms of desires in the moment. Such as… I want to dominate you tonight, or… I’m craving some wicked good hella intense sensations tonight. Does this paragraph count for an answer?
Years in the Scene: Since 1992
Why did you get on TikTok? How did your KinkTok channel/persona develop?
I’m super busy. So when TikTok started I just didn’t have the bandwidth to add yet another social media – I post most often on my Patreon and IG. But several of my friends and colleagues encouraged and prodded me that they wanted my particular perspective and tools about BDSM, sex positivity, and art on this platform. So I capitulated.
How did I develop my channel? I haven’t done anything really. I’ve posted and people seem to find me on their own. I’m not sure how people stumble on my channel – but I’m happy that they do.
I know I’ve not been too prolific in the recent past – I’ve been a wee bit busy writing my next book and teaching online – but I have posted a bunch of my fave topics already. But srsly, if folks like what I’m posting, I’ll do more. I’m a sucker for encouragement and good questions.
How does the KinkTok community differ from the traditional kink community?
I’m still figuring my way around KinkTok so my perspective is pretty narrow … but here’s some of the differences I’ve experienced: KinkTok has some great wit and passion! It’s also a lovely way to find connection and stave off loneliness or isolation. In-person kink scene gives me those long nights of conversation after play parties or cons where ideas are explored, rich dialogue happens, and philosophy of kink and leather explored. Also really impactful communication in moments of shared silence. Oh, and we can touch each other.
What do you love about KinkTok?
It challenges me to be more concise and articulate with my communication. It’s like haiku or sonnets instead of epic poems or ballads. I get to learn about a lot of different perspectives and personal journeys I would have otherwise never get to otherwise.
Who are your favorite KinkTokers?
Power Orientation: Pansexual Dominant
Years in the Scene: Lifestyle 10yrs, Community/Scene 8yrs
@sirdarkram Cleanup day in the k¡nK Playspace #kinktok #brat #dom #leathercommunity #leathermen #polyamory ♬ original sound - michaeldarkram
Why did you get on TikTok? How did your KinkTok channel/persona develop?
My submissive had originally used it to follow her kid to make sure she wasn’t posting anything inappropriate or had anyone that shouldn’t be commenting on her posts. Kind of strange that it was her and I that ended up posting socially questionable content! During Covid, I got exceedingly worried about the gap in real kink education. There was a 2-3 year influx of people coming into the scene via Tiktok getting questionable or outright incorrect/dangerous educational information from people with little to no knowledge. So there was a huge need and I felt obligated to share what I knew in hopes that even if it affected one person positively along their path, then I did something right.
My Tiktok persona is not far off from my public persona. I’m huge on education in the kink arena. It’s always been a passion of mine to teach proper, safe, and empowering information to help people along their kink journeys. Just as you see on Tiktok, I always like to have a good laugh with everything I do. And when conversations get too serious for too long I have to lighten the mood by cracking jokes or making fun of myself. I just figure if you can’t have fun with kink and learn to make it light-hearted then this probably isn’t the lifestyle for you.
How does the KinkTok community differ from the traditional kink community?
There are obvious “hit-you-in-the-face” differences in the kink communities online and in person. But when you sit down and look at them parallel to one another, they are not too far off. There are great things about the interactiveness of social media, but also things that work to its detriment. The exact same thing can be said of the in-person communities.
On both sides, there’s a wealth of information out there, but there’s no lack of bad information. There’s amazing players and educators, and then there are absolutely terrible ones. The biggest thing I see is it’s hard for newbies to differentiate the good from the bad. In the in-person world, most groups, events, or conventions make sure their educators are well vetted. Online there’s not that accountability, the ability to vet seems to be less important to people. Let’s say a KinkTok creator has 2 million followers. Those with no true experience that stumble across them may assume that the creator is reputable or vettable simply because of that follower count. As the history of KinkTok has shown, that is the FURTHEST from the truth. It has, in fact, even been revealed that some high-profile kink creators were actually predators and abusers.
What do you love about KinkTok?
I would have to say that what I love most about Kinktok is the opportunities for networking with kinksters from all over the world. I now have amazing lifelong friends … even an LDR girlfriend who is an amazing rope top all the way in Australia (we just celebrated our 1st anniversary). I have been invited to teach all over the US and a few countries overseas as well. I wouldn’t have had those opportunities if it wasn’t for being seen on Tiktok. It has really made my life more beautiful in many aspects. It’s actually surreal thinking back on it all.
Who are your favorite KinkTokers?
There are quite a few Kinktokers out there that serve as amazing representatives for their niches in kink. Many are smaller creators that deserve far more credit for their educational skills and abilities than most. @leathergirlboots and @phrygian_monk are great mouthpieces for the Leather Community. @buckharder gives amazing bootblack educational videos. @pennylove14 and @moxieminion give amazing kink education that is not specific to one niche. They cover all forms of kink, dynamics, relationships, and even polyamory.
He won’t admit to being a Kink educator but @wildheathen has a lot of good viewpoints on kink and uses comedy just like I do to get points across. There are actually also quite a few very well-known and respected personalities from all over the world that kind of lurk in the shadows and use Kinktok as a gauge of the climate in kink communities as a whole but don’t have many videos, if any at all.
Power Orientation: Dominant (Psychological Sadist to be specific. I’m not a switch but I do bottom. I enjoy being on the receiving end of sensation and the mindfuck of “making” my s-type do it!)
Years in the Scene: 14 years
@sunnymegatron Reply to @bubbeleh723 Why is #SSC #safesaneconsenual considered outdated & harmful? #kinkeducator #kinkiscustomizable #kinkstrategy #strategickink ♬ original sound - Sunny Megatron
Why did you get on TikTok? How did your KinkTok channel/persona develop?
I joined TikTok in March 2020. Watching cute cat videos and silly dances during lockdown was a welcome distraction. I didn’t even know KinkTok existed until that summer. When I found it, I was hooked! Initially, I didn’t want to make content because I heard how sex-negative the app was. KinkTokers & sex educators kept losing their accounts and having educational videos removed. After getting a good feel for how to get around the censorship, I started making videos in fall 2020. I’ve been creating digital social media sex & BDSM educational content for over a decade on other platforms so KinkTok was a natural extension of that.
How does the KinkTok community differ from the traditional kink community?
In some respects, there isn’t as much pressure on KinkTok to fit in with the status quo regarding how you’re “supposed” to act in your kink role, what’s “acceptable” in terms of play, etc. In-person communities can be really insular making people feel like they need to force-fit themselves into certain boxes. Kinktok has brought so many different perspectives and types of people together from communities all over the world. This helps highlight just how customizable kink can be and defuses the type of judgey groupthink and gatekeeping frequently seen in in-person groups.
On that same token, social media fuels trends. Kinks and roles that translate well to cheeky soundbites and have visual appeal tend to be overemphasized online while things that are more common in face-to-face kink are underemphasized. Is that good? Bad? I say both! Yes, it can cause disconnects when online people enter in-person communities or even promote dangerous practices. But it’s also forcing us to evolve and change. That’s not necessarily a bad thing — especially when it empowers people to find and live their truth.
What do you love about KinkTok?
I’ve met so many amazing people! I love that the culture of KinkTok is one that encourages speaking up and finding one’s voice. It emphasizes the importance of education, accountability, consent, and community. Not to say it’s a utopia! There’s bad education, dangerous advice, and unsavory characters galore (more than in in-person spaces). It is the internet after all! But when that type of thing goes on, people really speak up — much more so than they do in in-person community.
I also love that KinkTok introduced “educator me” to new audiences and ways of thinking/kinking. I learn just as much from students as they do from me. Continually recalibrating my thought process, the way I teach & the way I connect with others is one of my biggest priorities. The rich conversations & diversity on KinkTok really push me to do that.
Who are your favorite KinkTokers?
SO MANY! I can’t possibly list them all! A few: @dawnsparkles, @mollenaleewilliamshaas, @sadistrix, @switchvero, @domme_tomorrow, @tbhimababysub, @primalempress, @girlsix1984.3, @phrygian_monk. Also, this is going to sound cheesy but it’s true — everyone that participates in the KinkTok community, even those that don’t make videos. You’re all my favorites! The text/comment string conversations we have with each other and the questions people ask are amazing. Those folks are a huge part of what makes KinkTok so enjoyable and valuable too.
Power Orientation: Dominant Leaning Switch
Years in the Scene: 20
@kittystryker Fetlife and r@cism part 1 #consentculture #qinktok #consent #quinktok ♬ Chillest in the Room - L.Dre
Why did you get on TikTok? How did your KinkTok channel/persona develop?
I joined Tiktok because I saw a lot of content about BDSM and kink community that seemed well-meaning but a bit naive, and I wanted to make sure that aspects of BDSM history, issues within the community, and nuanced discussions about consent were a part of the conversation there.
How does the KinkTok community differ from the traditional kink community?
I think KinkTok skews younger, and there’s a push towards pithy, bite-sized information due to the format. It’s also more irreverent in a way I find refreshing! But it can also feel more flirtatious in a way that can bolster unhealthy and parasocial power exchanges – someone may post as an educator one day and then add something a bit spicy and less serious another day; this is more holistic, in some ways, as we are often both, but the lack of a container between those two roles and types of post can make for some messy interactions.
What do you love about KinkTok?
I appreciate that it’s innovative and that some of my favorite KinkTok folks are marginalized folks that may not have as much access to a platform elsewhere.
Who are your favorite KinkTokers?
A lot of my favorites might not necessarily call themselves KinkTokers but are having really vital, wonderful conversations that relate to consent, accountability, and community (which is an important part of the discussion!) @nakedwisdom, @sadistrix, @catieosaurus, @middlepolywolf, @phrygian_monk are a few!
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