Gooners, Goonettes and the Origins of the Goon State
Gooning isn’t an entirely new practice, but in the past few years, interest has exploded. Only no one can really agree exactly on what it is — other than fetish truly made for these times.
We crowdsourced kinksters to learn about their experiences repurposing ordinary objects for extraordinary fun. The success stories, snafus, and helpful tips they shared are a goldmine of pervertibles wisdom. This first-hand insight may just help you avoid DIY disappointment in the dungeon. (Anonymized responses have been edited for length and clarity)
I have a vintage advertising ruler from the Coca-Cola Company that says “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” I use it for impact and make my s-type say “Thank you, Coca-Cola” after each strike!
My partner bought jute rope from the hardware store. He thought it worked fine and it did tie fine. But it was so rough and scratchy! I secretly threw it away so he couldn’t use it again.
The plastic stick from a cat toy. I removed the string with the toy attached to make an inexpensive, stingy cane!
It’s very fun to shop for pervertibles. Walking around a regular store, thinking about how you could use all the items in a BDSM context…it’s just yummy!
I thought a hairbrush would feel good on my genitals. It just felt rough, uneven, and kind of hurt.
There’s a silicone paddle (ekhem pancake spatula!) sold in our grocery chain that’s meaner than anything in BDSM stores. Can bring an experienced masochist to tears without leaving marks.
A vegetable grater was a bad idea.
I took copper pipe, sanded off the sharp edges, and used it as a very intense cane (with a grip added using electrical tape).
I tried doing a “sonic torture” scene using some harsh noise music and a loudspeaker with good bass to it. It was memorable mostly because it was an extremely bad idea, turns out there’s nothing about sonic torture that’s even a little kinky.
Being spanked with a cheese grater left some pretty marks!
I did a suspension featuring glowsticks. I flogged my suspended bottom with a bundle of unactivated glowstick necklaces duct-taped together until they cracked hard enough to activate. It made a light-up flogger! I also used clip-on glowsticks as nipple clamps and a glowstick bar as a dildo. Adding more as necklaces and anklets, I turned the lights off and spun them around like a human disco ball. Fair warning, a glowstick flogger is MEAN. In order for them to activate, you really have to hit hard. Much stingier than a leather flogger will ever be!
I had a transparent toy with colorful beads inside it I used for anal insertion. I almost lost it inside of me! Was a quick way to understand the need for a flared base!
I DIYed a spreader bar with an adjustable tension rod and some round eyelet hooks+snaps
BDSM can be a very wealth-stratifying hobby. Lots of attention goes to people who can afford really nice toys, equipment, and clothing (i.e. beautiful leather outfits, high-end floggers/bondage equipment, etc). Normalizing and sexualizing pervertibles can help to alleviate that ingrained inequality.
I made a ceiling fan paddle!
As a younger man, I thought a soft rubber small tube would make a great sounding toy. I was very wrong! Not ‘go to the hospital’ wrong but definitely ‘a little blood and a few days of burning when I pissed’ wrong! Not advised! Only use quality things meant for going down the urethra!
Expired credit cards or old plastic ‘rewards’ cards cut in half jaggedly and used as scratching/clawing sensation toys are great.
Want more? Check out: Pervertibles Best Practices & Insider Tips
My Daddy sent me to IKEA with the task of finding something under $5 that he could use on me. I found: a small cutting board with a handle (paddle), an outdoor furniture lumbar pillow (to kneel on), and a little fleece throw blanket (aftercare snuggles).
Wooden doors don’t make for good objects to grind on, it turns out.
If you were born in the 80s or earlier, chances are your parent at least threatened you with (if not broke) a wooden spoon on your backside. So the majority of us experience some sort of connection between wooden spoons, authority, and trying to cover our ass…needless to say, they’re a huge hit!
Exercise bands and straps make very good positioning aids when pegging a plus-size partner on a budget.
I did chocolate “wax” play in a Willy Wonka-themed scene. The chocolate clumped and burned.
A damp washcloth over the face works great as a mild breathplay/sensory deprivation pervertible.
Meat tenderizing hammers are my favorite pervertibles of all time. They’re great if you prefer much more thuddy impact over something stingy. The spiked side makes for a great sensory tool if you haven’t got a pinwheel handy.
I stole the ice dong from our pitcher of beer. It’s a great ice dildo!
People under 30 have so many creative uses for pervertibles. I’m impressed by their ingenuity. I think they’re not only creative by necessity but also more open to using pervertibles. Maybe because they’ve built up less stigma than older folks.
When I was young, I thought blowjobs involved actually blowing air into the penis. So I used my rubber ducky to blow air into my cock. It just made it painful to pee!
Master particularly enjoys using His metal shoehorn to spank me when I’m not listening!
Pervertibles can be a great way to save money, change things up, or get creative if you have limited access.
Want more? Check out: Pervertibles Best Practices & Insider Tips
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