Why You Need BDSM’s “Prime Directive”

Mollena Williams-Haas learned an important lesson early in her BDSM journey:
being a sub does not mean giving up autonomy.

What Is Pegging? A Beginner’s & Kinkster’s Guide

Newly crowned #PrinceOfPegging, Prince William, recently thrust the subject of pegging into the mainstream. Rather than embracing an opportunity to destigmatize pleasure, the internet lit up with shame-driven hot takes making those who enjoy this sexual practice the butt of jokes. If you’re curious about pegging, creative ways to bring it into your kink play, and how the definition has evolved to be more inclusive – skip the tabloids, we’ve got you.

We’re ALL Obscene in Their Eyes: Leather, Pride & Respectability Politics

“What bothers me … is the total lack of awareness of the hard-won history of LGBTQ+ rights that runs alongside this debate. Leather and kink have always been at Pride. It’s not a new phenomenon.”

Want to be a Better Dominant? Learn to Seduce your Sub

Foreplay isn’t just for vanilla sex, it plays an important role in BDSM too. Kink seduction sets the stage for the intense physical and mental experiences to come. You can even start planting these seeds days before your scene. If you’re looking to level up your domming skills, these tips for seducing your sub will help.

Romancing the Shadow:
Challenging Limiting Beliefs Through Kink

Self-limiting beliefs – We humans have them in spades.
Thoughts and feelings that start with phrases like…

I have them. I bet you’ve got yours.

Many are bitter inheritances from our parents, and their parents, and… Others we received from society at large.

They fill us with doubt and all sorts of fears. They keep us from our awesomeness within.

Why did I jump through that door over and over?
My reasons were simple: fun, a bit of sexy adventure, a touch of transgression.

It would be easy to claim noble intentions for kink in my misspent youth. But that would be an utter fabrication. I was just playing.

Like my childhood play, kink felt straightforward. I get to spend time with someone I like, making up rules and agreements of the game, while the boring grownups left us alone. Suspension of disbelief unleashed; we got to be whomever we wanted to be, with whatever powers we wanted to have.

I get to be anything, anywhere, and all at once.

Who do I want to be today?
A villain, a warlord, Godzilla, the big boss, a princess, Marco Polo, a ninja, Cutie Honey, a scary ghost monster, and even the lone scientist who sees the truth of our reality as an experimental construct created by aliens.

(Seriously, all of these, including the last, were my childhood fantasies. And who’s to say they aren’t still?)

I was a timid, well-mannered, and serious child, navigating a baffling, cold world, with the daily onslaught of prejudice.

But in my play and my imagination, everything could be turned upside down and right side of me.

BDSM is a containment field for behavior and desires generally deemed inappropriate or outré. It is a laboratory where we can invite, face, and possibly engage with, the shadow-dwelling dangerous parts of ourselves.

These parts of me, I call my Monsters.

Monsters are real.
In this world just under my surface, they came to me.
They stir under my skin, pressing up with terrible claws, throttling my heart.

These Monsters, my dark desires, all the ways I should not be or was told not to be.

Violent, greedy, selfish, grotesque, large, loud, imperious, wrathful, changing, vulnerable, hard, childish, murderous, hungry, immature, immoral, amoral, irrational, illogical, strange, and scary.

These desires, these monsters, would slide into my otherwise cheerily naughty play scenes. These creatures would tug at me as I find myself aroused, against my values, by something violent or morally ugly.

It was very unsettling.

There are so many monsters here. I can’t count them all. These creatures, the multitude contained within me.

If I let them out, would they take over me? Are they the real me? Who will I be?

Eventually, I realized that they didn’t take me over. But I was changed somehow.

In the aftermath of play, whether it was carnage or beauty, in their retreat to their realm, the Monsters would leave behind pieces of them. These, their gifts, imbued with traces of their powers and essence, nourished me. Returned to me something elemental.

In my early days of kink exploration, I played awkwardly at the cliché of dominance and submission. In between trying to look like a badass, I nervously checked in with my play partners, usually feeling unsure and unsteady. A bit of spanking, a bit of nipple tweaking, a bit of light bondage.

Something about BDSM drew me but I couldn’t quite identify it. I had an aching craving but I didn’t know what for.

Over the years, I realized that letting my Monsters out in play and merging with them briefly, gave me insight into what I am capable of.

Many of my Monsters stood in direct opposition to the limiting beliefs that hold me back.

Over many years and many scenes, I’ve come to know my monsters, my own glorious horribleness. They are my Cerberus, the three-headed watchdog of Hades. If I don’t pay attention to them, honor them, acknowledge them, they will devour me and wreak havoc in my surface world.

To deny or attempt to exterminate that part of us turns them against us. Perhaps this is what happened inside casually and senselessly cruel people.

Accepting the monsters, my monstrosity, is accepting my humanity.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m no Bodhisattva. This doesn’t mean that I’m entirely comfortable with them taking up space in my everyday consciousness. Sometimes I have to call a “family meeting” with these messy creatures I share this body with.

My Monsters and I, we have a complicated relationship.

Why You Need BDSM’s “Prime Directive”

What Is Pegging? A Beginner’s & Kinkster’s Guide

We’re ALL Obscene in Their Eyes: Leather, Pride & Respectability Politics

Want to be a Better Dominant? Learn to Seduce your Sub

Romancing the Shadow:Challenging Limiting Beliefs Through Kink

Self-limiting beliefs – We humans have them in spades.Thoughts and feelings that start with phrases like…

I have them. I bet you’ve got yours.

Many are bitter inheritances from our parents, and their parents, and… Others we received from society at large.

They fill us with doubt and all sorts of fears. They keep us from our awesomeness within.

Why did I jump through that door over and over? My reasons were simple: fun, a bit of sexy adventure, a touch of transgression.

It would be easy to claim noble intentions for kink in my misspent youth. But that would be an utter fabrication. I was just playing.

Like my childhood play, kink felt straightforward. I get to spend time with someone I like, making up rules and agreements of the game, while the boring grownups left us alone. Suspension of disbelief unleashed; we got to be whomever we wanted to be, with whatever powers we wanted to have.

I get to be anything, anywhere, and all at once.

Who do I want to be today? A villain, a warlord, Godzilla, the big boss, a princess, Marco Polo, a ninja, Cutie Honey, a scary ghost monster, and even the lone scientist who sees the truth of our reality as an experimental construct created by aliens.

(Seriously, all of these, including the last, were my childhood fantasies. And who’s to say they aren’t still?)

I was a timid, well-mannered, and serious child, navigating a baffling, cold world, with the daily onslaught of prejudice.

But in my play and my imagination, everything could be turned upside down and right side of me.

BDSM is a containment field for behavior and desires generally deemed inappropriate or outré. It is a laboratory where we can invite, face, and possibly engage with, the shadow-dwelling dangerous parts of ourselves.

These parts of me, I call my Monsters.

Monsters are real.In this world just under my surface, they came to me. They stir under my skin, pressing up with terrible claws, throttling my heart.

These Monsters, my dark desires, all the ways I should not be or was told not to be.

Violent, greedy, selfish, grotesque, large, loud, imperious, wrathful, changing, vulnerable, hard, childish, murderous, hungry, immature, immoral, amoral, irrational, illogical, strange, and scary.

These desires, these monsters, would slide into my otherwise cheerily naughty play scenes. These creatures would tug at me as I find myself aroused, against my values, by something violent or morally ugly.

It was very unsettling.

There are so many monsters here. I can’t count them all. These creatures, the multitude contained within me.

If I let them out, would they take over me? Are they the real me? Who will I be?

Eventually, I realized that they didn’t take me over. But I was changed somehow.

In the aftermath of play, whether it was carnage or beauty, in their retreat to their realm, the Monsters would leave behind pieces of them. These, their gifts, imbued with traces of their powers and essence, nourished me. Returned to me something elemental.

In my early days of kink exploration, I played awkwardly at the cliché of dominance and submission. In between trying to look like a badass, I nervously checked in with my play partners, usually feeling unsure and unsteady. A bit of spanking, a bit of nipple tweaking, a bit of light bondage.

Something about BDSM drew me but I couldn’t quite identify it. I had an aching craving but I didn’t know what for.

Over the years, I realized that letting my Monsters out in play and merging with them briefly, gave me insight into what I am capable of.

Many of my Monsters stood in direct opposition to the limiting beliefs that hold me back.

Over many years and many scenes, I’ve come to know my monsters, my own glorious horribleness. They are my Cerberus, the three-headed watchdog of Hades. If I don’t pay attention to them, honor them, acknowledge them, they will devour me and wreak havoc in my surface world.

To deny or attempt to exterminate that part of us turns them against us. Perhaps this is what happened inside casually and senselessly cruel people.

Accepting the monsters, my monstrosity, is accepting my humanity.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m no Bodhisattva. This doesn’t mean that I’m entirely comfortable with them taking up space in my everyday consciousness. Sometimes I have to call a “family meeting” with these messy creatures I share this body with.

My Monsters and I, we have a complicated relationship.

Why You Need BDSM’s “Prime Directive”

What Is Pegging? A Beginner’s & Kinkster’s Guide

We’re ALL Obscene in Their Eyes: Leather, Pride & Respectability Politics

Want to be a Better Dominant? Learn to Seduce your Sub

Romancing the Shadow:
Challenging Limiting Beliefs Through Kink

Self-limiting beliefs – We humans have them in spades.
Thoughts and feelings that start with phrases like…

Why did I jump through that door over and over?
My reasons were simple: fun, a bit of sexy adventure, a touch of transgression.

Who do I want to be today?
A villain, a warlord, Godzilla, the big boss, a princess, Marco Polo, a ninja, Cutie Honey, a scary ghost monster, and even the lone scientist who sees the truth of our reality as an experimental construct created by aliens.

Monsters are real.
In this world just under my surface, they came to me.
They stir under my skin, pressing up with terrible claws, throttling my heart.