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If you‘re interested in learning more about kink, one of the best ways is through books. Why? While Google searches can sometimes be helpful, it can be hard to differentiate quality BDSM education from misleading info. Unfortunately, quite a few websites pass off BDSM myths as realistic depictions of the kink lifestyle. Inaccurate information not only reinforces stigmatizing stereotypes, it can also compromise your safety too.
We’ve rounded up some of the most popular and trusted books written by reputable BDSM educators. You’ll find a little bit of everything on our list – BDSM 101, bondage instruction, D/s dynamics, the kink community, communication skills, and more.
No one BDSM book or resource will tell you everything you need to know. We also can’t tell you which one is the best BDSM book, that’s for you to decide. Our recommendations are a jumping-off point, not a complete list. Continue learning and seeking out different viewpoints.
Keep in mind that many of the classic kink education books were written many years ago. Language and culture are constantly changing so some of these texts may seem dated. Take what resonates with you and discard what doesn’t. Kink is yours to customize in whatever ways suit you best.
-Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy, 2003
First released in the mid-90s, “The Topping Book” helped bring the idea of safe, consensual kink to a broad new audience. It was updated in 2003. While you’ll certainly find things that are out of date, it’s still a valuable resource to have on hand, especially when you’re just starting out and starting to articulate your own kinky desires.
-Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy, 2001
Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy started to bring kink out of the closet (so to speak) with this guide to good, healthy sexual submission in the 1990s. Like its companion volume “The Topping Book,” the authors updated it in 2001 to take into account the changes in tech, community, and sexual education. While readers in the 2020s might find some aspects to be outdated, these two books are definitely classics of the genre and good resources when you’re laying the foundations for your own kinky identity.
-Jay Wiseman, 1996
You can tell this book is a little long in the tooth simply from the title; in 1996, when it was published, “BDSM” hadn’t been established as the way to describe the pantheon of kinky techniques. But keeping that caveat in mind, it’s still worthwhile as a survey of the basic techniques from pain play to erotic roleplaying.
– Philip Miller and Molly Devon, 1995
Too often, the romantic, loving aspects of kink are glossed over in favor of describing the hot, kinky scenes. Understandable, but it allows us to forget the deep, intimate connections that can be forged. Philip Miller and Molly Devon’s classic approaches these very serious issues with a light, humorous touch. An important caveat is that it’s very focused on heterosexual, male-dominant relationships, with little discussion of queer kink.
– Lee Harrington and Mollena Williams, 2012
Two of the most renowned educators in modern kink present a guide to finding your way around BDSM communities. Think of it as an etiquette manual for those who think that it’s just good manners to give their friends a spanking. In a way, this is more important than any of the numerous guides on bondage or flogging technique. Especially when you’re just starting out, kink communities can be a great source of emotional support, as well as a way to learn the difference between the myths and realities of kinky sex.
– Princess Kali, 2019
You’re interested in trying out kinky sex — but what does that mean? This workbook by the founder of Kink Academy helps you ask the questions about what you’re really seeking in a fantasy, a scene, a partner — and what you explicitly don’t want. Kali includes spaces to write out your fantasies, a negotiation form, and an aftercare plan. (Often one of the most overlooked — and necessary — parts of a kinky scene.)
– Stella Harris, 2018
No matter what erotica and porn tells you, kinky sex involves a lot of talking — especially before the first time you play with a new partner or explore a new fetish. The need for precise communication in kink is a hard skill to learn, and Tongue Tied provides an excellent step towards mastering everything from negotiating a scene to dealing with awkward or embarrassing moments. Using exercises and examples from her own life, Harris provides many tools to make articulating your desires and needs a little easier.
– Chris M. Lyon, 2012
There are very few relationship self-help books for those in consensual D/s relationships. Fortunately, Chris M. Lyon has written this book, which takes a serious look at the challenges and rewards of Dominance and submission in a long-term committed relationship.
– Two Knotty Boys, 2006
The Two Knotty Boys, J.D. and Danarama, give a close-up look at rope technique with the help of famed fetish photographer Larry Utley. Not only informative, but one of the best-looking rope bondage books on the market, it covers everything from basic knots to advanced, complex ties.
– Midori, 2002
Without hyperbole, anyone who’s interested in doing rope bondage needs to have this in their collection. Midori’s book was the first to bring shibari to American BDSM aficionados. Thanks to its clear illustrations, discussions of safety and history, and accessible writing, it remains a favorite of bondage newcomers and veterans alike.
– Midori, 2005
A collection of Midori’s earliest nonfiction, this book ranges from advice columns to personal essays about her first explorations at kink clubs in San Francisco during the 1990s. After all these years, it holds up as an excellent look at not only the hows of BDSM, but the beautiful, sexy reasons why it calls to us.
More kink Resources:
Our picks for the best BDSM YouTube channels featuring kink education, rope bondage tutorials, BDSM contracts & negotiation, fetish terminology, BDSM how-to’s, pet play, medical play, D/s tips and more.
Consent is the cornerstone of all BDSM, kink, and fetish play. This goes beyond simply saying “yes” or “no” to proposed activities.
Conversations about sex, fetish & kink can be fun, entertaining, and educational. Because podcasts and videos allow for in-depth conversations, they’re ideal for exploring these nuanced topics.
There’s always something new to learn about kink and fetish play. While books and websites are invaluable resources, they can only take you so far.