Miss Ruby Marks: I’m a super empath, which is weird for a sadist. It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact I’m a sadist. Actually, that was my own journey in that it’s not usual, is it, to want to hurt people?

Obviously, I’m not a sadist in that I want to hurt people who don’t want to be hurt. It has to be consensual for me.

[Intro music]

My name is Miss Ruby Marks. I’m a huge fan of corporal punishment — giving. My specialty is definitely caning. Caning is corporal punishment with an implement that is a cane. It’s a rattan cane.

If anybody is aware of the English education system, there is a long, long history of [caning] within our education system. And that has given rise, whether people want to admit it or not, to a long-term fetish for many people. And fascinatingly, [that includes] those that it was done to, those it wasn’t done to, those who saw it but never had it happen to them. And now a whole load of people who never had it happen to them, but kind of wish it had happened to them.

Let’s start with the basics. So a standard cane in the English school system would be the Kooboo. Kooboos are lighter, slightly less dense, and slightly more slack. So this is a Kooboo. Within the canes you have different sizes; you have junior, senior, reformatory, and prison. My go-to would be a senior Kooboo. That’s what I would always start with and then a senior dragon. The dragon cane is weightier. So it’s more heart, it’s more extreme. And I start with that size because that is slightly thuddier. 

The thinner the cane, the stingier the feel. Many people don’t like the stingy, stingy, stingy. You’re more likely to get a person saying they want thuddy pain. This is a golden prison cane. It’s half-smoked, which makes it slightly less flexible and harder to take. But this is what was used in the English school system. You’d be hit with most likely a junior or senior Kooboo cane. And they make that swish. Same with the dragon one, which is a big aspect of what people want: that swish, that sound, which would be [swishes cane] that sound. 

That’s what people want to hear. I love it because it makes people really jump when they’re nervous anyway and they’re bent over. You do that sound and they flinch and I’m mean, I’m awful. I do that. My sub just tried to ban me from swishing! She jokingly tries to ban me all the time from doing things that she’d be kind of sad if I actually banned them. But the swish, the swish swoosh is something they’ve tried to ban. 

We’ve got a lot of influence that comes over from the prison systems in Asia. So the Singapore prison cane, and these are used in the actual prisons in Asia. And the people import them into the UK from that area. They are brutal. It’s only really the very extreme masochist that can take such an implement, and you shouldn’t wield it without skill and knowledge. You just shouldn’t. You know, one hit to the tailbone and you could permanently damage somebody. So caning is not to be trifled with. And if you want to start caning, you have to be aware of your own lack of, or skill level, and just start really light and small and build up as a skill and only cane people who are seasoned canees themselves. Never cane a newbie as a newbie. 

I was having kinky thoughts from an interestingly young age. And that gave me a really lifelong interest in how those things develop, when they develop, and our misunderstanding of those things. And then that in itself has given me a lifelong interest in the psychology, the background, the sociology, how those things develop anthropologically, culturally, all of those things. It’s what I’m interested in studying and that’s where that has come because of how early — and also in talking to everybody else. All my clients and subs and anyone else, it is the same story really. People become aware of these things from a really young age and then we just don’t know what to do with them. 

In terms of what draws people to caning, as with anything within kink, I think it’s really complex and interesting. I think the English school system has an enormous amount to answer to. And doing something to somebody in that period of pre-puberty and puberty, in my opinion, gives rise to our sexual preferences. It tends to be things that happened to people either by accident or by them seeking something out around that age, that tend to have these huge, huge impacts on their sexual preferences as an adult. And so obviously, if you are dragged in front of the class — humiliated and caned by a female teacher or a male teacher and there’s all those notions of authority — then that’s going to feed into this world of submission, dominance, control, humiliation, pain, all of those things. So I think that’s an enormous part of it. 

I have found with caning, and particularly the men — and the women, but there are differences. But particularly with the men, it’s a badge of honor. There does seem to be a certain sense of pride. They also seem to have a certain personality, they’re pedantic, they’re perfectionists, they are slightly nerdy. They will always point out if you get it wrong! They are really pedantic in a way that is very specific. Over and over again, I see the same personality traits. So I think there’s also something in terms of the personality and the characteristics of the person coming for the caning interestingly, which I don’t think everybody realizes. There’s a sense of pride in them being able to take it. It’s one of the harshest things to submit to. It’s one of the scariest things to submit to. 

So in terms of getting there, removing your clothing, bending over, and submitting to someone like me, who projects purposefully, an image of fear. You know, I project myself as a really scary person purposefully. I like that, I like that boundary and that barrier. But to actually bring yourself to come to that person voluntarily and bend over, I think there’s a sense of pride in that for a lot of people in “I can take the cane.” 

Probably the biggest thing, though, is they need it. It’s a need. It’s a genuine, physical, psychological need that has been born out of what was done to them against their will, without their consent, as a child or a teenager. They are drawn to it, there’s a pull. It’s usually something that somebody has thought about for a long time, and it’s in them and they need it. If they don’t have it, it negatively impacts their mental health and their life for sure. That’s what I see time and time again, and finding somebody to meet that need for them and navigating — maybe a relationship where the person doesn’t know that they need that and would be shocked and horrified at their partner wanting to go submit those things. Or misunderstanding it. They navigate these really complex surrounding issues on a regular basis in order to meet that need. And if they weren’t able to meet that need, their mental health would be poor for it. So I think they also get good mental health out of it.

Caning — there is a precision and skill to it. That really appealed to me when I first started doing it, which was only about six years ago, actually. I like the accuracy of it. I like the fact it is a definite skill. I like the implements. I like the sounds.  And there’s something really satisfying that I get out of caning when I hit someone and I get all these lines in a nice neat little row. It looks very beautiful to me and it also seems to meet a need in me in a way that, say, whipping someone doesn’t. I can’t stand it. I hate the mess of the whip. I hate the fact it flies off where you don’t want it to occasionally and you can’t help that. I love the cane for the reason that I can make it perfect. I’m a perfectionist and a control freak within myself as well. So caning kind of meets that need. 

My understanding is the US is more focused on over-the-knee and spanking which is also my understanding that that would make sense given what goes on in the home. I understand that that actually is still widely practiced within the home. And spankings, and whoopings, and these kinds of words. It feels weird saying that as an English person! Like, “You’re gonna whoop someone’s ass.” But I think these are . . . so again, it just feeds into my belief that what’s done to us in our childhood and done to us in our teenagers massively impacts what we’re into sexually as grownups. 

I am dealing with the fallout from that to this day. And that is men usually wanting to come in to be caned because it was done to them. That’s where a lot of my business lies — and also in helping them come to terms with it. “Why do I like it? Why do I want it? Am I weird? Am I strange? Is this right?” You know, and they’re battling with these demons inside them because of what was done to them. And then that’s influenced them in a way that they’re struggling to come to terms with — as well as having a wife and a normal life. And they’ve got this dark secret as they see it. And I deal with all of that. So I think the school system in the UK has so much to answer for and we’re dealing with the fallout as disciplinarians and kink specialists or Dominatrixes. That’s all we’re doing really: dealing with that for people.

I find there can be a deep belief in them that they’re unlovable, that they don’t deserve to be cared for. That they’ll never be normal. There’s usually a string of failed relationships in the past, and what I get out of it is, I do truly believe that I help people to think about things in a really specific way. I studied philosophy and ethics. Sure makes some people laugh, I’m a highly unethical person in some people’s eyes. But that’s what I studied – and psychology, sociology, and social anthropology. That is my background for years. 

I mean, I have deeply, deeply thought about these things to a high academic level, and it fascinates me. I am obsessed with learning everything about people and how we operate, why we operate, and all of those things. And helping people. I think a lot of people would be completely lost in their life if they didn’t have us to come to talk to and to look after them. And I think that’s mostly what I get out of it. I think I improve the lives of those that are with me. I give them a place to feel at home and okay with themselves. And that’s really important to me. 

I think the misconception is [kink is] this teeny fringe thing. My understanding is it really isn’t. I think it’s much larger than most vanilla persons, you know, the average person — there are people out there that do not have kinks, have never thought about searching for something, have never watched kinky porn. And they do have mainstream sex. Let’s say there are people out there, but I think they’re in the minority. And I wish we could put that one to bed. I just think that it’s much bigger than most people realize — fetishes and kinks. I don’t think it’s as fringe as people would like to say it is. We’re not the 0.02%, the weirdos. We’re just not. I think we’re the 60 to 70% of what’s going on out there. It’s just how deep into it you are, you know, that going to say how big that scene is. But my experience is, world over I think there’s far more people into it than people realize. Yeah.

This has been my interview with Zipper Magazine. I’m really proud that you’ve asked me to speak to you. And it’s been a wonderful experience. And I can’t wait to see what Zipper Magazine is going to do. It’s amazing to have such a friendly voice within the industry. It’s severely lacking for us to be able to express ourselves. So thank you so much and I can’t wait to see what you do next.