By Luna Matatas
When you hear the phrase “pee fetish” or “golden shower” what do you feel? Excitement? Curiosity? Disgust? All of the above?
Even though the eroticization of urine is considered taboo, pee still piques a surprising amount of interest. This summer, Netflix even took piss play mainstream (pun intended). In the HGTV-meets-BDSM show “How to Build a Sex Room” a polyamorous family requested a drain be installed in their floor for quick and easy golden shower fun.
I recently asked my Instagram audience, “If your partner was into pee play would you be open to it?” 31% responded yes, 25% said maybe, and 44% said no. Even for an informal social media poll, that’s a significant percentage. It looks like you may have more fluid-friendly neighbors than you think!
Having a pee fetish means that urine in erotic contexts arouses you. It doesn’t mean you get turned on every time you go to the bathroom. English doctor Havelock Ellis studied early 20th-century human sexuality and was one of the first to talk about pee fetishes (including his own that he traced back to watching his mother pee).
Ellis called it urolagnia. It’s now more commonly referred to as urophilia, watersports, or piss play. Pee fetishes can be broad or very specific. In Japan, Omorashi is a pee fetish subculture that focuses on arousal from needing to urinate badly. Sometimes referred to as ‘bladder desperation’ or ‘piss desperation,’ it typically involves enjoying the fear of wetting oneself or watching someone else wet themselves. Group pee play is another subculture – hundreds of gay men attend an annual piss play resort party in Palm Springs.
Pee fetishists have a very strong arousal to urine, while other people get off on their partner’s pleasure which happens to include pee fantasies. Some enjoy exploring erotically or using piss kink as part of dominance and submission. Pee play in mainstream porn usually depicts humiliation themes, but it can also be sensually arousing and intimate. Here are some other reasons people get turned on by pee play:
Urine is approximately 95% water. Additionally, people who are planning to engage in piss play usually up their water intake too. Contrary to popular belief, urine is not sterile. It can contain bacteria if infections are present, like urinary tract infections (UTIs) and sexually transmitted infections like chlamydia and gonorrhea. If someone is on medications, these can also be present in the urine and passed on.
Talk to your partner about potential risks and consider what you’re doing with pee when assessing risk – are you drinking it? Wearing it? Sitting in it? Watching it? In general, your risk of infection may be comparable or less to other types of fluid exchange, like semen or vaginal fluids. HIV is not transmissible through urine.
Unfortunately, when you have a desire that is outside of what society considers ‘normal’, it’s easy to experience shame about it. Many people experience shame about sex from parents, partners, and society.
Shame is part of the turn-on for some pee fetishists. Their fantasies are closely tied to eroticizing feelings of humiliation, naughtiness, and embarrassment. If you want to navigate through shame, some fantasies create a safe space to explore something that doesn’t feel safe to acknowledge anywhere else. Talking about your fantasy and any shame with a trusted partner or professional sex worker can open up opportunities for empathy and guided exploration.
Some people enjoy the sensory experience of pee play – including the taste, color, and smell. Strong-tasting urine can be part of a fantasy of discomfort or being in service, or it could be a sign of worship and honor. What might be ‘offensive’ in smell or color to one person might intensify the experience for another.
You can try to alter the taste, color, and smell of your urine depending on your diet and fluid intake. You can find lots of advice on what to eat or drink, for example, drinking pineapple juice, beer, coffee, water, etc. You’ll have to experience how much you need to eat of something and how long it takes to be processed into your urine. The more hydrated you are with diuretic fluids, the milder your pee will be.
Pee shyness is a real thing. You may be super excited about watersports but seize up anytime the moment comes for you to pee on or in front of your partner. It’s harder to pee when penises and vulvas are in an aroused state. Try these tips:
It can be intimidating to bring up a fetish to a partner. You might worry about being judged or the impact on the relationship. It’s ok to let them know you’re nervous. Try these tips:
Maybe your partner is into it and you’re not for whatever reason, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to or out of obligation. If you can’t find a connection point in the pee play fantasy, keep talking about desires and fantasies together to see what hot things you can co-create together.
Pee play can be your whole night, it can support other sexy activities, or it can stand on its own when you’re in the mood for it. If you’re just getting started, the shower is a great place to start out with water sports. Begin by doing other sexy things you like, and then explore peeing while together under the water.
Have a specific fantasy? Want to dominate your partner or worship their golden nectar? Flesh out your fantasy so you can take it confidently into reality. Plan out a scene based on both your pee desires. Talk about what activities you want to do, discuss a safety communication system, prep your room for mess, and start off getting each other excited in familiar ways.
Fluids are a part of many people’s sexual experiences. Pee play, like any fantasy, is about understanding the risks, communicating with your partner, and understanding what everyone needs to participate consensually. Our mind is a huge resource of erotic pleasure. Things that may not be sexy in a non-erotic context, can feel incredibly sexy when integrated into a sexy situation.
“Author, Luna Matatas”
"What might be ‘offensive’ in smell or color to one person might intensify the experience for another."
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Luna Matatas is a Sex and Pleasure Educator with over 15 years of experience teaching sex and empowerment workshops. She celebrates body confidence, self-adoration, and building shame-free pleasure in and out of the bedroom. She teaches over 30+ webinars. Read all her BDSM Blogs and classes on Kink Skills, Threesomes, and Sexual Confidence. Luna hosts The Plug Podcast by b-Vibe, an anal sex podcast. She created Peg The Patriarchy® and Meditate Medicate Masturbate® brands as part of her sex-positive and feminist merchandise.
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